I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
