I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
