Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
