Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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