i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
