Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude i'm inner monologue high
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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