just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
