What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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