He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
