I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
