The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize