literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
