last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
