what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
