it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
