sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
