Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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