I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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