Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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