My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
