This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
