I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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