I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
