Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
