i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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