I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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