Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
