spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
