My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
