I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
