he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
