If i come over, it means nothing
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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