Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
