my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
