I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
