The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
