is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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