my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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