Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
