Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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