Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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