so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
