If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
