we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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