I think my fart just growled at me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
