do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
