she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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