just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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