Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize