Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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