Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
