I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
