i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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