Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
