is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
