The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
