everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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