i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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