idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
