the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize