My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
