I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize