I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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