You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
