I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
