guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
