Please, let me fuck your mom
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
