I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
