Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
