I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
