...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
