wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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