I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
