I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
