From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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